Forgiveness is often encouraged as the healthy response to conflict, but new research from the University of Mississippi suggests it may come with heavier emotional weight than many people expect.
A study led by Ole Miss researchers found that people often experience more sadness and anxiety when reflecting on forgiveness than when thinking about karma or even revenge. The research, published in The Journal of Humanistic Counseling, examined how people emotionally respond to forgiveness, karma, and revenge after interpersonal conflict. Participants were asked to reflect on their personal experience with each response and then report the emotions they felt.
“Forgiveness is hard because of the emotions involved,” explained Richard S. Balkin, professor of counselor education in the UM School of Education. “It can bring stress and sadness as people come to terms with what they have lost.”
According to the study, participants reported feeling happiest when thinking about karma, or situations where justice seemed to occur without their direct involvement. By contrast, forgiveness often required deeper emotional engagement, especially when unresolved relationships or unmet expectations were involved.
“When people talked about forgiveness, those stories were often heavier and more complex,” said Alexandria Kerwin Hodges, associate professor of leadership and counselor education and co-author of the study. “Stories about karma, by contrast, were often lighter and brought a sense of relief.”
Researchers also noticed differences in how participants described each response. Reflections on forgiveness frequently involved lingering pain or strained relationships, while stories about karma or revenge were often brief or even humorous, suggesting emotional distance.
Despite those challenges, participants reported being more inclined to forgive than to seek revenge or rely on karma — a finding that researchers say highlights common misunderstandings about what forgiveness actually entails.
“Many people associate forgiveness with letting someone off the hook,” Hodges said. “But forgiveness is really about finding peace for yourself. It does not require reconciliation, and it does not mean what happened was acceptable.”
Balkin said the findings help explain why forgiveness can be complicated in close relationships, such as families or long-term friendships.
“Forgiveness often means accepting that you may never get what you wanted from someone,” he said. “That realization can bring sadness, even when letting go of anger is healthy.”
Rather than framing forgiveness as a single choice, the researchers describe it as an ongoing process.
“Forgiveness is not a one-time decision,” Balkin said. “Emotions can resurface, and that does not mean forgiveness has failed. It means you are human.